Confession

If you're looking to take a peek into my love life, too bad it ain't that kind of confession. It's been a long time since I've updated my blog. I'm even surprise my last post was made in 2014. Since my last blog, a lot of things has transpired in my life, and unfortunately instead of ups and downs, it's more like downs and downs.

And like always, I like to whine and then hate myself for it. And today, I'm going to whine about my fifth and worst semester I had in my current university. So far my experience here is nothing short of unpleasant. Honestly, it is not due to the lecturers, some of them are great actually, and I look up to them, even for the dietitians and nutrition lab technicians. It is not due to the surroundings, despite being somewhere where I could not understand their dialect (yes, third year here and I still struggle to understand), yet you can feel the sincerity and passion of the people through their tone. It is somewhat due to my social experience here I'd say.

One of the shortcomings I have in me is that I would work very hard for something I am very interested in, and if I am not, or I resent it, I would definitely not put in any effort into it, not even the effort to give a damn about it. And this sums up my whole semester. Zero fucks given whatsoever. But here comes the conflict within myself, I've always said I don't care about my academics, however, deep down inside, I would still have high self-expectation towards myself. I'm not someone particularly genius or smart, and I've never tried to strive to be the best in academics, though if I paid attention in class, or went through my notes seriously for just once, the knowledge would've left enough impression in my mind for me to breakthrough the obstacles in the final exams. In this semester however, I did neither both. I did not pay attention in class, and believe me, I tried my best to in some of the classes. I can't say the same for the effort I invested into doing revision and going through the notes though. Even if I'm feeling demotivated and procrastinated in the past semesters, I would still go through the notes once. This semester? N. O. N. E. I didn't even bother reading anything, and the worse part is, the questions were not that difficult actually. If I just studied for a little, I'm pretty sure I would just ace the exam.

Anyway, the semester is behind me right now, and I hope I can be a better me in 2017 and in the coming semester. It would take a lot to change, and a hell lot of motivation to recover from the slump in the fifth semester, but hopefully everything is not too late to change. And I simply would end my long time coming blog post with a simple phrase.

Life sucks.